Short Funny Christmas Stories
It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, 'What are you charged with?'
The prisoner replied, 'Doing my Christmas shopping too early.'
'That's no crime', said the magistrate. 'Just how early were you doing this shopping?'
'Before the shop opened', answered the prisoner.
On Christmas Eve, Nathan thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be'
Unable to decide, Nathan entered Debenhams and in the cosmetics section he asked the girl, 'How about some perfume?' She showed him a bottle costing £75. [$150USD]
'Too expensive,' muttered Nathan.
The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for £50. 'Oh dear,' Nathan groused, 'still far too much.'
Growing rather annoyed at Nathan's meanness, the sales girl brought out a tiny £10 bottle and offered it to him.
Nathan became really agitated, 'What I mean', he whined, 'is I'd like to see something really cheap.'
So the sales girl handed him a mirror.
Myra was going to the Christmas office party but needed a new party dress.
In the clothing store she asked, 'May I try on that dress in the window, please?'
'Certainly not, madam,' responded the salesgirl, 'You'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.'
A few days after Christmas, my six year son and I were talking. He asked, "Mom, is there a Santa Claus?"
"Well, what do you think?" I asked him.
He replied, "Well, my Playstation that I got and my gift from Santa were wrapped in the same kind of wrapping paper." He thought for a minute and said, "I'll tell you what ... you and Dad can go on buying me presents and let's just forget we ever had this talk!"
Have you ever wrapped a present with your cat?
You'll spend less time wrapping and more yelling "scat!"
For cats would rather shred the paper,
Then help you with the gosh darn taper.
They are more adept at trimming the tree
As they hurl themselves on it with much furry glee.
Just don't let them touch your most precious ornaments
unless you wish to schedule emergency vet appointments.
It is not advisable to accept their assistance with baking
Unless cat fur Christmas cookies you are making.
They will spend much more time licking the frosting
than helping with tasks that are truly exhausting.